TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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