It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
