I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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