dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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