She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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