I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize