my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Alive.
So much puke
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
