I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
