It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
