The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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