i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
