i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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