i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize