my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
