your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
