why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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