Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
