I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
