Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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