so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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