Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
