Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
