I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dignity is for republicans.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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