dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize