we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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