I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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