clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
