At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the day after is always just damage control
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
