Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
