My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
