you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
