I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
