they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Mom said you looked used
You made out with two different species that night
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
