He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im holly from the hills drunk
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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