When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
