she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
