okay pat passed out under dana's car
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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