why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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