My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
