she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
