I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
BRING THE BAGELS
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