I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
