I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
