nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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