well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
