Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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