You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
