I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
