i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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