Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
