I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
