I haven't been this sober since birth.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
