Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
