If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You took a bar mat shot.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize