4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
