i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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