You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
