OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
