Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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