That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
