And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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