I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
