I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
