The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
