he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
