I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
