Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
