oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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