I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
