All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
