this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
