i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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