Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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