I skipped work to stalk him.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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