so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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