Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
