Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
